The Daily WTF

Mindy recently had an interview. It started off quite well. The company seemed to be well run, the first few folks Mindy talked too seemed nice enough. And then she sat down with their lead developer, Davin.

“What’s your experience with SQL Server stored procedures?” Davin asked.

“Oh, well, you know, I’ll sometimes use them as prepared queries, if performance tuning calls for it, but I always avoid implementing business logic in a stored procedure beca-“

“No business logic in the stored procedures? I take that as an insult,” Davin said. “SQL Server has all the power you need, and trying to scale out the web layer will cost money!”

“Sure,” Mindy said, “but it’s much harder to scale out the database layer, and diffic-“

“For instance,” Davin said, “I’ve written a hyperoptimized stored procedure to handle StartsWith queries.”

“You… wrote a starts with method?” Mindy asked. “I mean, if

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